i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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