He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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