every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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