Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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