you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
