i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
