This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize