My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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