this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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