Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
