I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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