u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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