..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
