bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the day after is always just damage control
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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