well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.