last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.