that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The Olympian is in my bed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?