I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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