they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
