I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
