I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
