you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need a beard to bite.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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