Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
