Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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