i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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