I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
