I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
