I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize