I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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