It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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