Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
