My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
