i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
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It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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