I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
