he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
