I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
