Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
