New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
