She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
