this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize