sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
