id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we made out on top of his cat.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Randomize
