Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
