why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
