Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
