if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
