I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
