I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
