he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
