You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
