im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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