I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
