The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
