Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
