You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
