Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple