That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have already put on my inside pants.