true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.