This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
