You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?