you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.