My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.