she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."