You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
