So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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