I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
