He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
