"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
