I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
