Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
handjob tips. give me some.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
