Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
