I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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