why didn't you poke me back
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
