Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
