i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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