I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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