In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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