Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
