So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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