the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize